(: 

It’s been a while since I have posted anything. For that, I apologize. I have just been so busy. I have completely forgotten about this blog all together. I think about a great post I could write, but I never follow through with writing it. 

This post is an update on what is going on in my life.

I move into my dorm room on August 18th between 9am and 12noon. I’m very nervous about living with new people. I have two roommates. It is three people in one very large room. Luckily at Georgia State, there are no community bathrooms. Each room has there own bathroom. My two roommates went to high school together. They both participated in the drama club. One of them is a huge fan of the Beatles. I know all of this because I creeped hardcore on their facebooks. The only thing I am worried about, and mind you I am not racist, is there are both black. I can’t say I am surprised because it is Atlanta, and it is GSU, but I’m a little frightened by it. I have only been able to talk to one of the two. I was very upfront and asked how he felt about gay people, and he said they were no different and he has no problem with it. I have yet to speak one word to the other. My worries are: are black people different than white people? Will living with them be different than living with a white person? Will we have anything in common? Will we get along? Who are they friends with? Are all of there friends okay with gay people? What if they are friends with a complete thug who hates gay people? I’m not racist, but living with a different race will be new to me. I’m excited for the experience of living on campus in dorms, but I feel I would much rather enjoy having a private apartment with a friend. 

Next…The boy I wrote about in the last post…the waiter from the restaurant…we are now official. We made it official two weeks ago on July ninth, which happens to be the birthday of a very good friend. It’s only been two weeks, but I already feel like it has been a couple of months. I like him so much. I enjoy his company. We have gotten into the habit of seeing each other everyday or at least every other day. It has gotten to the point where one weekend apart has been very difficult and ends with immense hope we will see each other soon. I can see myself being with him. I have very strong feelings for him, and I have not felt this for someone in a very long time, if ever. I have done very well with not cheating. I have cheated on every guy I have ever been with, but I feel different with him. I feel like I don’t need another man or random hook up to make me feel special. Everything makes me feel special when I am with him. Every glare. Every touch. Every kiss. Ew. I’m getting mushy. I apologize. I just feel so happy when I’m with him.

I’m currently in Athens laying on the floor of a friend’s room typing this. I’ve a lot to drink and I’m coming down from my drunken stupor. I’m not tired at all, so that is basically why I have decided to finally write something.

I will try my best to keep posting things, but I get caught up in so many things, I forget to write. 

Things have been going so well lately, that it feels like nothing is real. But if you refer to the title of this post, and read a quote by Albus Dumbledore from my favorite series of book Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, you will know that no matter how unbelievable something may be, it doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.

I haven’t been this happy in a very long time. I hope this feeling stays for years to come.

On May 20, 2011, my friend, Cherith, and I went to Atlanta. Our plan was to go shopping and have a peaceful lunch with much needed gossip. We decided to eat first. We went to a wonderful restaurant named Joe’s On Juniper. When we walked in, I noticed an attractive waiter cleaning a table. During lunch, you are able to choose your seat anywhere you would like. So, I chose over by where the waiter was cleaning, in hopes he would be our waiter. To my excitement, he was. He introduced himself, and took our order. During the many times he came to our table asking politely if we needed anything, he would flirt and flash a nice big smile. One particular time, he was walking away, still talking, backwards and stumbled over a chair. Later, we got the check and I was ready to pay. Then, an idea popped into my head. I thought he was cute so I asked Cherith if it would be appropriate to write my number down on the check. She said, “Go for it, boo.” I was very nervous about it. I didn’t want to seem creepy. I never do anything like that, but I took her words of wisdom and did it. We weren’t even back to the car yet, when I received a text on my phone. It was him.

We talked the rest of the day and for a few days after, but never really made plans to hang out. Then, we basically stopped talking. I just thought he wasn’t interested and put it out of my mind. I didn’t know much about him, so it didn’t take an emotional toll. A few weeks ago, to my surprise, I got a text from this cute waiter. We started talking, and eventually he asked me if I would Skype chat with him. I’m very nervous and awkward when it comes to Skype, especially if it is the first time I’m really talking to someone. So, I did what I always did and made up a lame excuse to get out of it.

Finally, on Tuesday of this week, I decided I wanted to grow balls and Skype him. We talked for five hours that night. I did not log off until 7am Wednesday morning. I guess technically the conversation started Wednesday morning, but whatever. 

Thursday, yesterday, he came over to my house. I was super excited, but also super nervous. We hung out around my house for a few hours. Then I took him out to show him what there is to do in Douglasville. What did we do? Well, I took him to a sketchy drug deal. The usual. After that, we went back to my house and sat/laid on my bed and talked. It was one of the best feelings I have ever felt. I feel really comfortable around him. I feel I don’t have to lie, and I can be myself. That’s normally hard to find. I usually have some kind of wall up. I never let anyone in right away. I give people the potential to find there way in, but it never happens. I let him in. We went to trivia, where he met a few of my friends. I was nervous because my friends can be a lot to handle at first, but he seemed to like them, and they said they approve. After trivia, we again went back to my house along with some of the friends from trivia. We all sat around and just hung out. It was nice and, again, a great feeling. Then, he had to leave. I walked with him to his car at the top of the driveway. We stood there awkwardly for a few minutes exchanging nervous laughter and small talk. I’m not one to kiss and tell…which is a lie…but in this case I will only say he is a great kisser. I gave him a big hug and a kiss goodbye and then went and passed the fuck out in my bed. 

This morning, I could not find my keys and realized I had left them in his car when we rode to and from trivia. In some ways I was mad at myself, but mostly I was happy because it gave me another reason to see him. He came over with intentions of just dropping off my keys, but ended up staying and we went to dinner.

He says he likes me. He says that never happens and he never feels this comfortable around someone after only hanging out a few times. He says that is a good thing. I can feel this maybe being something different. I want it to be something different. I want it to actually last. I want to date him. Really date him. So, that is what I’m going to do. 

After all of that, I think it’s safe to say that I am happy and it sure has been a while since I have felt happy. Also, I really hope he never comes across this post. At least, not until we have been together long enough where he will just laugh. 

All good things are wild and free

A secret place that only I knew of.

A beautiful place where my thoughts could thrive. 

An extraordinary place where anything was possible and anything could become reality.

A magical place where I could be like Peter Pan and never grow up.

A fabulous place where I can be who I am without ever having to worry about the judgement and hate in the world.

An adventurous place where I go on journeys through the depths of my mind.

A hysterical place where everyone laughed at my jokes. 

A peaceful place where I can dive into the imaginations of brilliant authors and poets. 

I wish I had a place that only I knew of. 

But we all know a place such as this does not exist.

So, for now, I will remain in my chair at this small cafe, drinking my coffee, headphones in my ears, dreaming of this place, oblivious to the world. 

I write down every person I’ve ever been with sexually in a black moleskin notebook I keep. Is that weird? I don’t even care. You never know if I’ll need to contact a previous hook up for some reason. I contract a disease, God forbid. I remember how good it was so I call them up and have another go. I’ve done that numerous times. Also, just to keep count. 

My current number of actual sexual intercourse through the rear is Eleven. 

My current number I have hooked up with including the eleven is Thirty-Three. 

(By hooked up I mean everything that not sex. Minus the Eleven)

Some may call me a whore, but I call it living life and having a fucking good time. I love sex. It’s a lot of fun. Sue me. 

Also, some guys have asked me to keep our hook ups a secret, mainly because they have girlfriends and/or don’t want to come out yet. I always thought it would be cool if my book of sex partners became a well known thing and everyone knew there were some very interesting people in it and they would try to steal it and then when it leaked it would be this BIG headlining story and everyone would talk about it and all that shit. Kind of like a movie. But that will never happen. Although, there are a few interesting people in it. 

But I will never name names. Unless you piss me off in some bizarre way.  

I feel like I may have failed in high school in some ways. 

I didn’t make straight A’s. I did until Junior year when my lung decided to collapse multiple times. I guess I can’t really blame myself for that. It’s just because of that I wasn’t able to get into the colleges I really wanted to get into.

I feel like I didn’t try hard enough to get the Gay Straight Alliance started at my school. I know I could have gotten some kind of movement started, if I just would have pushed it harder with the principle. I just wish I could have gotten the whole school involved in some way to bring awareness to the bullying, the hatred. There are so many oblivious people in our schools and I really wanted people to see that. I wanted to make a difference, but I feel like I didn’t. 

I don’t know. I just wish I would have tried harder. 

I graduate tomorrow. 

It’s hard to imagine that after four years of high school it all ends tomorrow. In certain ways, I’m excited. But in other ways, I’m terrified. you graduate high school and you’re just thrown out into the world with no strict guidelines. We are so used to being babied and spoon fed in high school, that we don’t really know what to expect after. College? What is that going to be like? We hear about all the partying, but never a lot about the hard work and the studying. What if college isn’t for me? What If I do what my brother did and just party until I flunk out? I want to be successful. I want to do great things. 

Sometimes, I wish I had grown up in a city like New York City, instead of a small southern town in Georgia. New York is just so lively. Unique. Fast. I’m a city boy. I find any excuse to go to Atlanta. I feel like I can truly be me in the city. I feel trapped whenever I’m home in Douglasville. i can fully express myself. The commotion of the city… the chaos… it excites me. I feel like if I actually grew up in the city, instead of just outside the city, I might be more…I don’t know…more unique. 

i don’t know. The future freaks me out. The uncertainty. I still don’t know where I’m going to school. Knowing that I’m graduating tomorrow makes me reflect on the past and how that determines who I am today. i’m happy to be me and be who I am. I don’t regret anything. I just sometimes think how I would be if I grew up differently. I think everyone thinks that sometimes.